Anger Is Not the Enemy
For the past few weeks, one word has stayed with me.
Anger.
Or, as we casually call it, gussa.
In my clinic, this word comes up far more often than people realize
When I see patients with chronic illnesses, I don’t just ask about pain, digestion, sleep, or blood reports. I try to understand the person behind the disease. I ask about relationships. Losses. Fears. Disappointments. Things they have never said aloud
And somewhere in that conversation, anger quietly appears
Sometimes it appears as silence
Sometimes as tears
Sometimes as a nervous laugh followed by, No doctor, I never get angry
And sometimes it comes from people who proudly say, “I speak whatever comes to my mind. I don’t keep anything inside”
Over the years, I have realized that both extremes deserve attention
One suppresses anger
The other glorifies it
Neither is healthy
That made me ask a simple question
What exactly is anger?
Because I don’t think most of us understand it
Before We Talk About Anger...
Let us first clear one misconception
Anger is not rage
It is not hatred
It is not resentment
It is not spite
Those are different emotional states altogether
Most of them are built over weeks, months, or even years of hurt that remained unexpressed and unprocessed
Anger is different
Healthy anger is brief
It is situational
It arises when something important inside us feels threatened
Its job is not to destroy
Its job is to protect
Why Nature Gave Us Anger
Think about every living creature
Whether it is a child protecting a favourite toy, a mother protecting her baby, a dog defending its territory, or a bird chasing away a predator
Anger is part of survival
A few months ago I visited Ranthambore National Park
One morning we witnessed a tiger hunting a deer
Like everyone else, my heart immediately went out to the deer
But after that emotional moment passed, another thought came to me
This wasn’t cruelty
It was survival
Nature isn’t trying to be kind or cruel
Nature is trying to survive
Human beings are wired in much the same way
When our brain senses danger, whether physical, emotional, or psychological, it activates ancient survival circuits
Sometimes those circuits produce fear
Sometimes they produce escape
Sometimes they produce anger
Healthy anger simply says,
“Something important needs protection.”
It may be your dignity
Your safety
Your child
Your values
Your boundaries
Without anger, many of us would continue tolerating situations that slowly destroy us
Anger Is Actually a Boundary
One of the biggest misconceptions I see today is that good people never become angry
I disagree
Healthy people become angry
Healthy people also know when to stop
Anger is often the emotional signal that says,
“This is not okay.”
“You cannot speak to me like this.”
“I need to protect myself.”
“I cannot continue like this.”
It is the mind’s way of drawing a boundary
Without boundaries, relationships become unhealthy
Workplaces become exploitative
Families become emotionally exhausting
Eventually, the body begins carrying what the mind never expressed
What Worries Me Today
What concerns me isn’t that people get angry
It is that many people no longer know what healthy anger looks like
Some suppress it completely
“I can manage”
“It’s okay”
“I don’t want any conflict”
“I’ll adjust”
“I don’t want to create drama”
“I don’t want people to think I’m rude”
These sentences sound mature
Sometimes they are
But sometimes they are simply fear wearing the mask of maturity
On the other side are people who believe shouting is honesty
That every opinion deserves immediate expression
That hurting someone is justified because “I’m just being real”
That is not healthy anger either
Both suppression and explosion become toxic over time
Anger Should Be Concise
Healthy anger doesn’t require a long speech
It doesn’t require insults
It doesn’t require humiliation
It doesn’t require revenge
Healthy anger is often surprisingly simple
“No.”
“Please don’t speak to me like that.”
“I am uncomfortable.”
“This is unacceptable.”
“I need some space.”
Notice something
None of these sentences attack another person
They simply protect yourself
Healthy anger is concise
Clear
Firm
And once its purpose is served, it naturally settles down
It doesn’t keep replaying the same incident for months
It doesn’t build imaginary arguments while lying awake at night
It doesn’t quietly become hatred
When Anger Stays Too Long
This is where things become important from a health perspective.
In clinical practice, I often meet people who haven’t been angry for years
At least that’s what they believe
But as we talk deeper, another picture appears
Unspoken disappointments
Years of adjustment
Silent sacrifices
Repeated disrespect
Unexpressed grief
The anger never disappeared
It simply changed its form
Sometimes it became resentment
Sometimes bitterness
Sometimes constant irritability
Sometimes emotional numbness
Our mind has many ways of storing emotions
Unfortunately, our body often pays the price
Research has increasingly explored the relationship between emotional regulation and chronic illnesses. Studies have linked difficulties in processing emotions, including anger, with conditions involving chronic pain and persistent stress responses. For example, research published in the European Journal of Pain has examined emotional suppression in disorders such as fibromyalgia, suggesting that emotional health deserves attention alongside physical treatment.
Does this mean anger alone causes disease?
No
Human illness is always more complex than that
Genes matter
Lifestyle matters
Sleep matters
Nutrition matters
Stress matters
Relationships matter
But emotions are certainly part of that story
Ignoring them does not make them disappear
Please Don’t Label People Too Quickly
One more thing I feel strongly about.
We have developed a habit of labelling people.
“He has anger issues.”
“She’s always angry.”
“He’s aggressive.”
Maybe
Or maybe you happened to see one difficult moment in their life
A single expression of anger does not define a person’s character
Healthy anger is often situational
Someone may express anger appropriately today and return to being completely calm ten minutes later
That doesn’t make them an angry person
In fact, many people who express healthy anger move on much faster than those who never express it at all
So let us be careful before giving people permanent labels based on temporary emotions
The Real Question
The question isn’t,
“Should I get angry?”
The real question is,
“What am I doing with my anger?”
Am I suppressing it?
Am I amplifying it?
Am I becoming bitter?
Am I using it to hurt others?
Or am I allowing it to do what it was designed to do...
Protect me...
Teach me...
Help me create healthier boundaries...
...and then let it pass?
Because anger was never meant to become our identity
It was only meant to become our messenger
Every emotion has its place
Love has its place
Fear has its place
Joy has its place
Sadness has its place
And so does anger
The goal is not to become emotionless
The goal is to become emotionally aware
The moment you recognise that your brain is trying to protect something important, you can choose your response instead of becoming trapped inside your reaction
That awareness is where healing begins
Not just emotional healing
Sometimes physical healing too
So the next time anger knocks on your door, don’t immediately throw it out
Invite it in
Ask it one simple question
“What are you trying to protect?”
You may discover that beneath your anger was a boundary that had been waiting to be respected all along.
With warmth,
Dr. Shailesh Yadav